wahhh I feel so proud when i see this (I still have trouble reading it) but it was just such a great moment in my life and all the confidence and strength i got out of the whole experience was amazing.
wahhh I feel so proud when i see this (I still have trouble reading it) but it was just such a great moment in my life and all the confidence and strength i got out of the whole experience was amazing.
And everybody's talkin' bout Jerusalem
Is this the beginning or beginning of the end?
Well, I've got other thoughts my friend
See I've got my eyes on the skies
The heavenly bodies up high
And if you're in the mood to take a ride
Then strap on a suit and get inside
We don't need all these prophecies
Telling us what's a sign, what's a sign
Cause paranoia ain't the way to live your life from day to day
So leave your doubts and your fears behind
Don't be afraid at all
Cause up in outer space there's no gravity to fall
Put your mind and your body to the test
--------------------
edited a lot cause the rest is pure nonsense. This really reflects my thoughts for the past few days though and I'll be your best friend forever if you can tell me what the name of this song is muahaha.
bye bye bye ;)
I'm not afraid about dying but I'm afriad of not living (I feel like that's a line from a movie) I have so many goals and just really dumb things i want to do in my life. I want to go to Europe. I want to sing karoke, I want to go to a concert in central park. I want to go an a cross country road trip. I want to fall in love.. I don't need to get married.. i just want to let go of all my inhibitions and fully hand myself over to someone else and let them love me for me.
I've been wanting to do something for charity since high school. Like volunteering at a hospital or clinic. I did little things like donating blood and giving spare change to those jars on the counters at gas stations.
Anyways I had an idea a few nights ago to take advantage of my meet and greet so i can help other people. So here's what I'm going to do. I want to get the new Hanson inspired tom's and have the guys sign them and put them on ebay and have all the money (above the price of the shoes) got to HIVSA.
I thought this was a great idea but everybody I've told has seemed less than enthusiastic about it. Whatever though. I figure I'll get at least what i paid for for the shoes and any little bit helps.
I guess that if i do this, I can feel like I'm really helping someone.
I'd ask for thought and opinions but I'm not going to do that because of what people have told me. So if you think its a bad idea.. don't even bother commenting. But if you think it's a great idea.. by all means tell me how smart and creative i am lol.
Hope I didn't depress everyone with my sad, morbid post.
April 3, 2008 5:27PM EDT
Congratulations! You have won a Meet & Greet pass to the show in Allentown.
Please read this entire message carefully! Please arrive at least 2 hours
before doors and meet a member of the staff at the front of the venue. The
M&G is for YOU an ONLY you - you may not bring a guest. If you have a parent
or guest, they will have to wait outside - ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS!!! You
may not bring a camera, but we will have someone there to take your picture.
Details about how to get a copy of your M&G pic will be available at
Hanson.net.
For your Meet & Greet to be valid, you MUST do the following -
1. You must reply to this email FROM YOUR HANSON.NET EMAIL with your full
name within 72 hours of the date/time listed above. If you do not reply
within the specified time, your M&G will be forfeited.
2. You must print this letter and bring it with you to the show.
3. You must bring a photo ID to the show for identification purposes. A
driver's license, school photo ID, passport, etc will be fine.
Once we have confirmation for all M&Gs for your show, we will send out
additional information for you.
Please do NOT post this email in the forums or give out the email address.
The guys look forward to meeting you, see you at the show!!!
-----------------------------
This is so weird. I got a M&G at the last allentown show.. and now I have one for this one. This is like lightning striking twice you guys
THE BEATLES lyrics - Let It Be
(Lennon/McCartney)
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Yeah let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
I don't know what to do about next year. When i started this year i though that it was going to be this year and another semester and I'd be done. But i forgot all the comlications with science from this semester and now I'd have to take 17 credits in order to graduate when i thought I was going to.
I don't know what to do. part of me tells me to just do it and get it over with and another part of me is telling me that this is a sign that I'm not ready to transfer.
Let's do positives for just getting it done and over with
- i won't have to go back to a scholl I hate for another semester.
- I'd be more willing to get my license and a car asap
- if anything happened at my 4 year school i could be like "well at least i have my associates"
but who gets a job with just an associates?
Postives for spending one more year at occ
-I'd have more time to save for a car and wouldn't feel so rushed to get my license
-I probably would be healthier and would have a less chance of failing because I couldn't make it into class
-I'd have more time to think about 4 year schools and what i want to do next
ugh I just don't know what to do. I just keep remembering my first semester when my mom was telling me not to push myself right away and take a semester off before starting and i wouldn't listen so i went full time and ended up in the hospital and couldn't finish.
I just feel like my health is constantly an excuse. Nobody understands and when i try to explain it everything just sounds like excusues.
I keep picturing myself in the future and i just have no idea how I'm going to be able to be that person if I'm going to have this stupid disease for the rest of my life.
Today.. for the third time the bus driver practically kicked me off the bus and left be standed downtown. Let me tell you about downtown syracuse. It has the highest crime rate in all of new york. Not even exaggerating. So Mom was in SAP training so i couldn't get a hold of her. So i thought to call Ruth and she was like 'well I'm leaving for south caroline in an hour but I'll call my mom and she'll come get you" and I told her that I didn't want her to because my aunt has OCD really bad. But she said that she'd still tell her and she'd call me. I was a little irritated that her trip to SC was more important than you know my life, virginity and possessions. Whatever though i was too frantic to get mad then. So I called mom and left her a voicemail, in tears, yet again. Aunt Donna never called. So i just went and waited outside and prayed that there'd be another bus of my route coming soon. One did come and I thanks God and got ready to get on and it just kept driving. This point I'm like trying to hard to fight tears so my face is looking like a ball of silly putty. Then i had homeless men come up and bother me, that was fun. Finally i got out a bus schedule I always carry with me and saw that there was another bus coming in twenty minutes. So i breathed a sigh of relief but still kinda wanted to crawl under a rug a die. Finally the bus came and I was fine. I was diagnosed with Social anxiety disorder in 2003 and I used to not even be able to go into a store by myself so conquering this was big for me. I did a little victory dance for myself haha.
I texted Ruth later because mom and I were like "well either Tuth didn't bother to call or Aunt Donna just really didn't want to come downtown." neither would surprise me but Ruth was like "oh shit! I forgot! are you still trapped?" I wanted to be like "yeah I'm still trapped downtown at 8 at night no thanks to you" but i didn't haha. I said "well thanks for the help. yeah I'm home" and she apologized but I'm just so sick of her selfishness and freeloading and obnoxiousness. She is not my idea of a christian at all. In fact i know more atheists that are more christian-like than she is.
ugh I'm just so annoyed with my life. I shouldn't be taking the friggin bus. I'm 20 years old. i should be driving abd be independent and be working a real, regular paying job. i should just choke up my health problems for what they are and fight it.. And my family. I love my family more than anything and I thank God everyday for them. I always say that my family always pulls together when one of us is introuble.. but we don't. i don't want to sound like a martyr but my mom is the one that helps every single person in this family out and takes their problems to bed with her at night. No one else does that. And I have to see how hurt she is by it. No one ever thinks about her or me. My brother and Ruth and Anut Donna just think about themselves and don't really give a damn about the rest of us as long as they're happy and they get what they want.
I'm sure I'll regret saying all of this soon but after Nick's birthday and easter, and this long term frustration with aunt donna's ocd and Ruth's complete change of personality in the past year I just feel like we're not really a "family" we're just 5 people who put up with each other on holidays and birthdays.
I just feel like I'm completely alone in this world except for my mom.
Nick was okay though. A little depressed about turning 30. Mom and I made him a custom monopoly game and he didn't act that thrilled. It kind of bummed me and mom out. We worked really hard on it. I think he really did like it and he was just tired and annoyed with Ruth and still a little down. At least i hope so haha.
We booked our hotel for Allentown yesterday. I think I'm more excited to get away than i am to see Hanson. Although when I downloaded that free song on the website I was like "aww I love SGR live" then i remembered I'll be hearing it live in a little over a month. I just hope the crowd isn't insane. I just want to enjoy the music and all that.
Back to classes tomorrow. break was nice and relaxing. I'm looking forward to going back though. I have a music mid term tomorrow. boooo. I want an A+ in that class but the first test I only got an 89 on so i doubt that'll happen.
because of them I went out today and got The Beatles number ones CD (btw last weeks episode sucked.. everyone disappointed me except Carly, David and David but thank god Amanda is gone.. she scared the bejeebees out of me.) This cd is so good though. I've wanted the original version of hey Jude for like a year now and the cheap indie covers just aren't working anymore.
It just needs a few more songs:
with a little help from my friends (although the joe cocker cover kicks ass)
lucy in the sky with diamonds
oh! darling (one of my faves.. seriously)
don't let me down
blackbird
across the universe
how were those songs NOT number ones? seriously
I don't get why itunes doesn't have the best band in history on it. I suggest they straighten their shit out haha.
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well
This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
(Chorus)
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
Well I will
She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
'cuz It's a little bit dirty well
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged you,
And you don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all
(Chorus)
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this Baby, baby
(Chorus)
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna take you, take you, yeah, well I will, I will, I will, I will
I will, I will, I will, Yeah, yeah, push you around,
I'll drag you down, I wanna push you around
Well I will
ihatemarchihatemarchihatemarch
thats about all.. I'm feeling blue and want to shop right now but the rest of my tax return is in my savings account.. I'm tempted though.. not gonna lie.
dumb. i just wanted to share
and yay for Christian winning PR..
p.s. I feel like i have all these new friends but no replies to any of my post unless they're about dumb, non important things.. It's kind of disappointing to think that i only have friends when i don't need them
i hate ebay i hate it. You know i find it annoying when someone emails me asking for a refund but whatever I'll do it because I want to make my costumers happy and I'm more mad at myself then them because I didn't list it as I should've.
I got my first negative feedback today. Why don't they just email me about it before leaving negative feedback.. now my feedback is down from 100% to 99.5.. it's not a lot but I work hard and that just isn't cool.. and she waits two months to leave feedback? If she were that unhappy she should have emailed me..Plus negative is for buyers who never pay or sellers who don't send out the items.. isn't that a little harsh for a supposed hole in a sweater?
Then my journalism prof asked me about the other girls in my magazine project today.. don't put me in that position.. I don't even know what I said i was so put off by it.. I mean he's the professor shouldn't he make his own judgements?
oh and lets not forget my friggin arrithmia monitor that wouldn't stop beeping last night so I was on the phone for an hour with technical support and now need a new one? sheez
I was actually doing okay today.. i wasn't as upset yesterday as I thought i would be.. I just kinda had a lump in my throat for a while.. i didn't even play "because of you" like i always do.. nothing.. no tears shed at all
I wanted today to be a good day.. March is always such a hit or miss month for me.. always really good or really bad. March is when my dad left, when my mom got diagnosed with sarcoid, when I first passed out from NCS.. it was also when i first got published and a year ago today i had my meet a greet.. seems lame but I always dread this month.
I don't mean to make a mountain out of a molehill.. like in an hour I'll be over this.. its just so frustrating.. i really like ebay and the more i do it and the more i struggle with it I realize that it really is a job for me. It's a lot of work to but the people get so annoying.
all right I'm gonna go blast great divide.. and punch a wall or something.
My best friend and her boyfriend are amazing because they hooked me up witha new desk (i've been trying to redecorate my room for a while now) and its wicked nice. My old one was big and kinda looked like an amoire.. but this one is an actual desk.. I got it all set up all by myself too and got to beat the hell out of the other one which was a lot of fun. It's not in one big pile on my floor. I scvrewed up my computer speakrs though and had to get new ones. That kinda sucked but i just look at it as I paid that much for the desk.
I've been doing wayy too much shopping with my tax return money and my refunds from school. I already have my summer wardrobe basically.. and I'm working on redoing my bathroom.. it's these ugly purple roses that we've now had for 6 years since we moved in so i wanted to do it in this theme:

so cute. Tomorrow I'm doing more shopping with aunt donna and ruth so that'll be fun.
Tis all au revoir.
Allentown I'm definitely going to.. and I'm working on Lancaster. yay!
so last time i saw my cardiologist they said something about this monitor I'd be wearing for a month to track whenever I get dizzy.. I guess I was in denial cause i was shocked and devastated and just plain pissed off when it got here today. I feel like friggin machine with these electrodes everywhere and if i get dizzy at campus what am i supposed to do? Let this thing beep away in the middle of a lecture? It's obnoxious too.. it sounds like signing on to dial up internet..
I would give anything to just be a normal 20 year old college student. anything.
And if they don't play some place i can go.. like PA or any place in Ny other than the city I am going to cry.. like weep and sob after what i went through with buffalo..
and i'm done
My friend that i wrote about last week.. the one who thought she had cancer tried to commit suicide last week. I hadn't heard from her but i figured she just took some time off work to figure things out. Even now while I talk to her I feel frustrated.. like i think she's vague just to be dramatic..
LiLAngeLGirLy03 (6:53:43 PM): i attempted it
WhenYouSTAYx (6:53:52 PM): what?
LiLAngeLGirLy03 (6:54:06 PM): suicide
I'm so fricken unhappy lately.. I just want to lock my door and shut out the world for a week.. I need my mom to stop nagging me about drinking enough water and taking my pills, i really don't need to deal with the stress of classes, i need to stop worrying about money and getting enrolled in driving school.. i just need a break.. and this was the absolute last thing I needed to hear.
